


Lynched

by PastelWonder



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Random Cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:12:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelWonder/pseuds/PastelWonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys of the BAU have just one problem: Kevin Lynch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lynched

**Author's Note:**

> Who doesn't adore Garcia? *sighs*

"Goddamn, I hate that guy," Morgan seethed, angrily flinging his latest case file as he passed his cubical. It scattered across the top of his desk.

 

"Did someone bench your max at the gym this morning?" Reid asked with a self-congratulatory smirk, not looking up from his case notes.

 

"No," Morgan huffed, crossing his arms and parking his ass on Reid's careful piles of paperwork.  "I meant him." He jutted his chin in the direction of the elevator doors.

 

Reid looked up curiously, squinting.

 

"Ah," he said flatly, spying Kevin Lynch. More precisely, spying Kevin Lynch with his arm around a laughing Penelope Garcia. Reid sat back and crossed arms. "I don't like him, either."

 

"Who don't we like?" Rossi stopped to drape an arm over Reid's cubical, smiling lazily.

 

Morgan nodded sharply at Lynch.

 

Immediately, Rossi sobered. "Prick."

 

"I second that," Reid agreed loudly, turning back to his notes as Morgan made a noise in the affirmative.

 

"They're always…" Rossi made a vague gesture, "together."

 

"Yeah," Morgan scrubbed a hand over his head, "and he doesn't let her go nowhere without him."

 

"We hardly see her now that he monopolizes her time," Reid added, glowering resentfully as Lynch dipped Garcia for a kiss.

 

Rossi's loafer scuffed forcefully at the carpet.

 

"So?" Rossi and Reid looked at Morgan. "C'mon guys, what are we gonna do about it?"

 

"What's there to be done?" Reid snapped back, covering his face with his hands.

 

"Done about what?" Hotch asked, joining Rossi on the other side of the cubical.

 

Behind his hands, Reid sighed dramatically.

 

Morgan rolled his eyes. "Lynch," he offered.

 

"Prick," Rossi clarified.

 

Hotch hummed in agreement. "There really is nothing we can do. If Penelope wants to see Kevin, that is her choice." He hoped his tone was neutral.

 

"You don't believe that shit," Morgan was adamant. "C'mon man, look at him! What the hell is a loser techno geek like that doin' with Garcia?"

 

Reid tugged his hair in frustration; Hotch hadn't stopped watching Kevin over the rim of his coffee mug.

 

"What exactly do you propose we do about it?" Rossi asked, incredulous.

 

"Guys, we are FBI agents in one of the best behavioral analysis units in the country. We catch the world's worst serial killers, and you're tellin' me none of us can think of a way to get rid of one computer nerd?" Morgan whispered furiously.

 

Hotch looked skeptical. "Are you suggesting we murder Lynch?" 

 

"No!" Morgan leaned in conspiratorially.  "No, I'm sayin' we use our skills and figure out how to get him the fuck up outta here."

 

"Interesting," Reid perked up, leaning against his backrest and steepling his fingers. "The concept of treating Kevin like an unsub, and using our knowledge and experience - which are considerable - to expunge him from Garcia's life would be deviant at best, and an abuse of our professional expertise."

 

"So you're saying we're above this kind of behavior?" Rossi asked.

 

"No," Reid smirked, "I'm saying it's brilliant."

 

"Gentleman." Hotch sent surreptitious warning glances before greeting loudly, "Garcia."

 

"Hi, guys!" She waved brightly, and the boys of the BAU returned her wide smile as one. There was a collective relief when they noticed Kevin was nowhere in sight. 

 

"Where's the boytoy?" Rossi teased.

 

"Off doing marvelous things!" she sang.

 

"How come we didn't see you at the restaurant Friday?" Morgan accused, miffed.

 

"Oh, our family dinner!" Warmth blossomed in Hotch's chest at her words. "Oh, guys, I'm so sorry," she grinned mischievously. "Kevin surprised me. I was, how do you say,  _distrait_." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, earning several uncomfortable glances and one pointed ahem.

 

"You could have called," Reid muttered, crossing his arms.

 

"Aw, muffin, don't be mad." She pulled him in for a hug, pressing his face to he breasts and smoothing his hair. He sighed contentedly and smirked at Morgan over her arm.

 

Morgan cleared his throat, and offered, "I was upset too, mamma."

 

"Baby," she soothed, opening her arms to him.

 

"Hey!" Reid groused when Morgan 'accidentally' elbowed him in the face.

 

 Rossi clapped a hand over his chest. "I'm wounded, principessa."

 

Garcia crooked her finger and kicked up her heel, leaning over Reid's desk to kiss the cheek Rossi offered. She reached out to pat Hotch's. "Guys, what is this?" she sounded surprised, and tickled.

 

"We miss you, baby girl," Morgan murmured in her ear.

 

She blushed. "My darlings..."

 

She stepped lightly out of the group hug and chirped, "Be good boys, now!"

 

She winked at Reid, who smiled awkwardly in return. Then she was sashaying away, her heart-shaped ass swaying.

 

"Mm, mm, mmm," Morgan shook his head. "Damn."

 

"God, what a woman," Rossi's gaze was transfixed.

 

"Indeed," Reid added.

 

"Game on," was all Hotch said, before he turned on point and strode to his office.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little shortie, no plans to continue :D 
> 
> I imagine this is what plotting looks like in the bullpen of the BAU...
> 
> Your comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
